please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
