I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
