I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
