I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
