Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i out mim tonsoeep
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