Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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