Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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