Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
