My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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