Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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