When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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