I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
