Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize