i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize