It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
