Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
