My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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