names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
