remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
