so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
