I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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