I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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