3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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