don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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