I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize