Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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