Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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