Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
