My boss' voice literally gives me gas
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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