we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
