So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize