you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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