He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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