no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
