i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
