the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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