I'm going to jail i love you
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
