Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
