Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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