She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
