I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
