Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
