New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
