I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Floor bacon is actually really good
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
