I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize