"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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