from now on my penis is your penis
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
