dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
