I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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