I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
