tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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