Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
