alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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