I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
