apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
