Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
