Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
