so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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