oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
