gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
