I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
