moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
