toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am midnight drunk by noon
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
