you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
