I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
