My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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