You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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