I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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