I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
