Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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