I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
