Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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