her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She bit a glass in half.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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